For many children, having a pet is like having a full-time best friend. A dog or a cat might be your child’s partner in crime for the first several years of his/her life. Even a fish or a hamster can be a trusting confidante and buddy for your child. Unfortunately, death is a big part of life, and it is a lesson that we all have to learn. This lesson often comes when your child’s first pet dies. When this happens, your child will unavoidably go through a roller coaster of emotions, and might have a number of questions for you.
When it comes to dealing with the death of a pet, know that this tough loss will likely be your child’s first experience of this sort, and that helping him/her to accepts it and deal with it will be a useful tool throughout your child’s life. That is why it is important to always be honest, no matter what your child’s age.
Euthanization of a family pet
If your cat or dog has to be euthanized, you and your family will likely have a short period of time during which you can prepare for the loss. The amount and specificity of information you give will depend on the age and maturity of your child. In the case of euthanization, use terms that are applicable to your child’s development when you explain what is happening. Points to make might include:
- Your pet is very old, or has an illness that is hurting him
- He won’t ever feel better
- The procedure won’t hurt him at all
- He will go to sleep in a very peaceful way (Use caution here, though. The term “sleep” might be taken very literally by a younger child. So don’t say he’s going for a long sleep; explain that he won’t be coming back, but he won’t be suffering any longer)
- Don’t be afraid to use the word “death”
- Give your child the chance to say goodbye if he/she so desires
Sudden pet loss
When a pet suddenly dies, the opportunity to say goodbye will likely not be there for your child. In this case, he/she might ask you a lot of questions. Honesty is key here. Avoid lying by saying your pet ran away, for example. The loss will still be there for your child no matter what.
When your child does ask questions about the death of a pet, let him/her know it is perfectly okay to be sad. Show your own sadness, too. Hiding your own emotions to “be strong” might confuse your child. In fact, grieving together can be healing, it helps your child feel less alone in the experience, and it sets a good example. Other ways to help your child deal with the loss include:
- Sharing stories about your pet
- Help your child have a funeral for your pet
- Encourage your child to draw pictures, write stories, or anything that will help him/her grieve and remember your pet
- Keep photos of your pet around the house
The loss of a family pet if a tragedy. The younger members of your family need to be encouraged to express their feelings, and not be afraid to remember their beloved companion. And, when the time comes, you can introduce a new pet into your home, and your child will learn that the love for a new pet does not negate the feelings felt for his/her first best friend.
Robin Fowler - I am a freelance writer and a mom, and enjoy both jobs immensely. I have been obsessed with all things Greek, Roman, and Egyptian since ...
